The Job Search is Exhausting: Why Networking is Like Online Dating

The job search is exhausting.

I was talking with my students yesterday about the emotional investment we put into this process. When you’re pivoting careers, every outreach message feels like a vulnerability, and every "ghosting" or silence feels deeply personal. It hurts.

I’ve found that one helpful reframing is to view the search a bit like online dating. You have to swipe a lot before you match. You have to chat a lot before you actually go on a date. And you usually have to go on quite a few (at least!) mediocre first dates before you find someone you want to see again.

The same is true for your networking outreach. I guarantee you that people aren't being intentionally rude in not getting back to every message you send. The market is just tough and people are buried.

I’ve seen this lately with my coaching clients, too. They’re trying to network in industries like tech where people are often doing the work of multiple, and they’re lucky if they have time to grab a coffee between meetings, much less check their LinkedIn DMs. If your message lands during a week when they’re being inundated, they simply might not see it.

Success in this pivot requires building a thick skin. You can’t control their response time, but you can control your resilience.

My best advice? Don’t attach your self-worth to a stranger’s inbox. Treat your outreach like a professional habit rather than a personal test. Send the message, then put your phone down, stop doomscrolling, and move to the next task on your list. And if they don't get back to you after a week or so, assume they just got busy and try one more time.

If you are tired of navigating this exhausting process alone and want a proven strategy to start getting replies, check out MissionPivot™ for dedicated resources and support designed specifically to help you successfully transition your career.